39 and..

So I have this adorable child who once asked all of us to call him Jack. I'm not sure why- I don't think he knew anybody named Jack, and I can't think of any cartoons from his early years with a character named Jack. But there you go.

So my little "Jack", the adorable 9 1/2 yr old that he is, has been given a rough road to tow. His child development didn't go quite as planned. We had his hearing tested when he was two, did the whole early intervention bit (special preschool, etc), have years of OT and Speech therapy under our belt.. At first it was "Sensory Processing Disorder", then it was Autism (Asperger's at this point, says the psychiatrist), then ADHD, ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder), and who knows what else. I say that because we're now dealing with a psychiatrist who thinks the next step is anti-psychotic medication. There is a family history of Bipolar, and honestly, sure- why not throw that on the little guy, too. I mean, (I shudder to ask) what else could he possibly have to deal with?

This last year (a school year we're about half way through) has been the worst year yet. I feel like I've switched medication more times than you can say Zoloft- which is the latest prescription handed over, though I am loath to fill it, and may not. The school situation is a complete nightmare. We're waiting to get a transfer in motion to a different school, and we're searching in vain for the magic "pill" - not literally - to make this boy a happy, well-adjusted person. When he's good, he's great. When he's not, I feel completely helpless. I've had a well-meaning teacher suggest that Jack needs to change medications. I think I know full well what is working or not working, and I don't need you to point it out to me, thanks very much.

I don't think I had a single grey hair on my head two years ago. Now they're here, proudly announcing themselves. (My husband claims he can't see them). I don't really have an outlet aside from my husband- that can't be healthy. My only sibling does her best to listen and offer support, when she's got a few moments (and yes, I really appreciate those moments, but feel guilty as heck about it). I have no close friends. Nobody I can talk to who gets what I'm going through, or who could listen to my situation without either judging me or judging my son. Ok, so who would judge either of us for things beyond our control? I dunno, but I know it happens.

Then I have a beautiful 10 1/2 year old (gosh, what name did she recently say she wanted to change her own to?), who has to deal with the fall out of a brother whom everybody in school knows of by reputation. She gets to move on to middle school this Fall, which I'm sure will be a relief- for two whole years, she will be in a completely different school from Jack. I love this girl like nobody's business, but it's not easy to deal with her "moments", when I've had to deal with her brother's.. so she probably gets yelled at for no good reason, because I just reach my breaking point. Kids need time-outs, but so does this mom. :(

"39 and wine"? Or "39 and whine"?