Splat Goes Life.

When I was a baby, I wasn't breastfed. I didn't think anything of it until my mom's youngest sister prepared for her first child, and then I felt like I was screwed out of something important. Plus I had aunts on the other side of the family who did breastfeed. Honestly, it wasn't ever a question for me as to what I would do when I had kids. Breasts are made for babies. I don't care what anyone else does for their children, so long as they feed them. But this is what I did for my kids. I wasn't around many people when Savannah was born. Nobody questioned how I fed her. It wasn't until I moved closer to the in-laws that people had opinions about it. People thought it was gross, and didn't want their kids exposed to it (because they didn't do it themselves, and somehow exposing breasts is disgusting- I didn't nurse in public, but other people they knew did). Jack refused to drink anything I pumped, so I couldn't leave him with anyone- the on...

And all through the house, the kids pissed each other off, and mom wanted a stiff drink. I had a bunch of stuff typed out, but it's pointless to publish it. Needless to say, I wish for an attitude change, so I can have a pleasant evening and nice Christmas Day. The daily BS that goes with "life" is just so not worth getting sucked into. I'm trying very hard to remember that right now. Merry Christmas

This isn't some Special Moments blog.. if only. I'm not a negative person, per se. I just get overwhelmed with my son's behavior - his Autism, his ADHD, his whatever else - and I need a place to vent. I don't promote this blog.. I have literally told only 5-6 people about it. If you've happened upon this blog, and it interests you in any way, then great. If not, I won't be offended. This is my account of what is going on with my son- with a smattering of other things mixed in for good measure, but mostly about my son. Some days I don't even have it in me to write about it, but when I do, "it is what it is". I have thought a bit about making a gratitude blog. Honestly, that's not my style... but I've thought about it. I lose myself a lot being Jack's mom. I don't know what I would be doing right now if he were different. I may work outside of the home, I may have more friends. There's just no way of knowing. I do know...

A day after his first visit with the doctor at the clinic, Jack got his first official "hold" by staff at his school. He was asked to stop doing his own chosen activity, and chose to ignore the request to stop that and begin his work. This ended up with a child on a total downward spiral, who did pretty much everything he could think of to act out. In this case, he threw a chair at a teacher. He was warned that if he didn't stop his behavior, he would be held. This is when he picked up the chair. I emailed the IS this morning to let her know that Jack might be grumpy or tired today.. the grumpiness likely due to my "criticizing" him about some odd habits he's developed that have me concerned for him. (They're OCD in nature). He stomped out to the car to wait for his dad, without saying goodbye to me. (I wasn't really concerned about that, but a bad start to his morning can often lead to a progression of negative behaviors throughout the day. I...

MUST-SEE video.. "My son is mentally ill", so listen up!" "Stephanie's fight is literally one of life and death – a desperate attempt to win back her son from the mental illness trying to consume him."

Yesterday morning I went to the school early to meet with the Principal, Intervention Specialist, and the Special Ed. director. They felt it was important to touch base after Jack's suspension, and also wanted to provide me with the data they have collected this school year, up to Dec 3rd- that would include incidents graphed by class (what time of day the incident happened), and by duration of each episode from start to finish. I also received a number of incidents per "trigger", as well as a log of behaviors.. every incident. My first thought is really just how grateful I am for this information. It's what I wish his old school would have put together for me, but it's like they didn't think I needed to know, or weren't thinking of how important it would be to do so.. despite countless suggestions that data be charted. This is exactly the kind of information I could have taken to someone last year, when things were starting to go bad. In looking at ...

October of last year. Jack got his first suspension. I can't tell you how much that sucks to type out, but it's true. I have one of *those* kids. Well, it seems like it. I mean, we are dealing with legitimate diagnoses here- Autism, ADHD, Sensory Processing.. and something the pediatrician writes down in his notes as "Episodic Mood Disorder" (for lack of anything else to call it). The first time, he was suspended for having to get in the last word. He didn't like what was happening- either what the kid was saying or doing, and at this point the specifics are irrelevant- so he lashed out with words that were sure to get the other kid's attention. Unfortunately, those words were more serious than he could have realized. So he was suspended for a day. His dad and I were pissed that the school knew that he didn't mean it- he just wanted the other kid to shut up and leave him alone. There was no physical threat of violence, in that there was nothing he...