Splat Goes Life.

And now it's 5 am. I've been awake for the last hour or so, stressing and being generally upset over my son and about his dad's lack of bonding with him. I've been reminded repeatedly that after Jack was born, I went into my own world. The Husband had to take care of Savannah, who was still in diapers herself. You know what? Forgive me (NOT!) if taking care of two young kids all day wiped me out to the point of exhaustion.. and mix in the fact that I was very upset about my dad being extremely sick. I couldn't pass Jack off to him to drink out of a bottle, because Jack wasn't ever able to do that. I was depressed, I was tired.. I was overwhelmed. So that already put the relationship between father and son to the test, or probably kept them from bonding like my husband did with our daughter. (IS this MY fault??) I have pointed out every now and then how I wish my kids had some of the same experiences growing up that I did.. things like camping, fishing, ...

Yesterday morning I read something so.. well, regardless of what I thought it was, it rubbed me SO the wrong way. I have to remember my own words that we're on our own separate paths. We get there at different speeds, too. The things I've come to realize took longer for others, and less time for some. I have to remember that when I read comments by people who I assume mean well, but yet show a total lack of understanding, as well as complete ignorance. Between what I read and then what happened later in the day, well, I haven't physically felt myself since. I need to talk about it, but at the moment, I just need to lay down. I will say that my son now gets his own personal driver for the rest of the year, and is now grounded from electronics, the phone, the internet, TV.. anything that's possible to take away from an 11 yr old boy, just about.

Post from Feb 2013 about why we're on the road we're on. It's not pretty, but it's how life is sometimes. You get things you didn't bargain for, you get a child with issues you didn't see coming. Every child is different, and in the course of being that unique child's advocate (when dealing with school and elsewhere), you have to realize that you can't be in denial . Denial makes it miles worse. Denial keeps you from seeing that maybe they do need help beyond what you are capable of giving them. Maybe the way you thought to reach your kiddo(s) was the right one, but if it was, would you still be headed down a narrow path to the version of hell you've found yourself on? NEVER be ashamed to ask for help. Don't assume that your spouse knows what is best, either. I can tell you that if I had listened to all of those people in my life who insisted that either 1.) nothing was wrong with my child, or 2.) that he just needed a good spanking, ...

Jack, or "my dear boy" as the doctor likes to call him (and probably all of the boys she sees), will likely be kicked off of the bus again. Or at least suspended.. which might be worse, because he'll still have to see the other kid he suddenly can't stand the sight of. We had such a decent weekend, too. Jack was even invited to a birthday party of a boy he used to really like spending time with. I bought cookies for him to pass out at school tomorrow, and when I wrote to the teacher to confirm, she mentioned how well he'd been doing the last couple of weeks. She moved him into a seat next to his friend and was hopeful that it would be a good fit. Then I got two phone calls (the first disconnected) from the bus depot, telling me that I needed to go pick up Jack at the last stop, because he was really going nuts. He's been having a challenge with the little brother of a boy he actually likes chatting with. For whatever reason, the brother doesn't l...

Last night before bed, in anticipation of sitting down to post, I had a really funny subject title in mind. Of course that shot to hell after a few half-glasses of wine. Oh well. Let's see.. so on Monday, Jack had an appointment with his psychiatrist. (Woo hoo! My 11 yr old has his own shrink! Oh wait.. shrinks actually talk to you the entire time about what you're going through. They don't just listen to mom or dad talk about home and school life, and then figure out what med dose he should be on). He's still on his 75mg of Elavil, and .5mg of Risperdal. She said he could go up on the Elavil, but decided not to adjust that. She also said that she could give him a higher dose of Risperdal, but that he'd get more hungry.. and he's already 126lbs. You have no idea how much I would not like him to gain more weight. And he's now officially 2 inches shorter than I am. Maybe less, since I think I've shrunk, and we nearly look into each others eyes. Usually...

I went into Savannah's room to collect dirty towels (and only dirty towels, as she's responsible for gathering up the rest), and found her "blankie" in the trash can. I'm kind of shocked! It was bound to happen some time, I guess. I took it out and will wash it and put it up with the first one she wore out.

With the cold weather, it really does seem like there's never enough coffee to either wake me up, or cheer me up. Yesterday was one of those days. I guess I just got myself into a funk early on the in day (which was likely triggered by people in my household being jerks the night before). I couldn't get out of it. For hours I just wanted to antagonize, be snarky, take a nap, whatever. In the end, after making the kids dinner, I drank two beers and went to bed. (This is pretty unusual for me, so that gives you an idea of how I must have been over and done with the day). Jack as an appointment next week at the university clinic. I hate driving all over creation, between going to get Jack out of school and then heading into downtown for these appointments. If they were monthly, I'd like it even less. I did manage to get a referral sent to another psychiatrist who happens to be a bit closer, but she may not work out either. It may be that she ends up being a counselor and...

It's been just over a week now since root canal #2. Recall how Jack busted out (or as the school likes to say: "chipped") his top, front permanent teeth? He had a root canal right away on the worst of the two, and we've been sitting and waiting (crossing our fingers, really) with anxiety about whether or not he'd need one done on the second. So it turns out he did. The previous Thursday or Friday, Jack had been complaining quite a lot about teeth hurting. While he has noticed some sensitivity in the front tooth, he'd been complaining with very LOUD displeasure about a back molar. I wanted to give that a couple of days, because the last two times he yelled about a back molar, it literally fell out right before we were supposed to go into the dentist. So I had that in mind, waiting to see how it would turn out.. then all he really cared about was the front tooth. The weekend of the 24th, there were a couple of incidents where he was on a computer game while...