Let's see.. so on Monday, Jack had an appointment with his psychiatrist. (Woo hoo! My 11 yr old has his own shrink! Oh wait.. shrinks actually talk to you the entire time about what you're going through. They don't just listen to mom or dad talk about home and school life, and then figure out what med dose he should be on). He's still on his 75mg of Elavil, and .5mg of Risperdal. She said he could go up on the Elavil, but decided not to adjust that. She also said that she could give him a higher dose of Risperdal, but that he'd get more hungry.. and he's already 126lbs. You have no idea how much I would not like him to gain more weight. And he's now officially 2 inches shorter than I am. Maybe less, since I think I've shrunk, and we nearly look into each others eyes.
Usually Jack plays on his electronics during these appointments. Which on the one hand, it gives him something to do while mom and doctor talk about what a sh*tty life he has. He will typically pop his head up and argue when someone says something he doesn't like. This time, having been grounded for a month from all hand-held devices, he had a book with him. He was very quiet unless asked a specific question, tried to get out of answering all the questions regarding whether or not he would hurt himself or someone else, and then really only became agitated when we started talking about food and exercise. The thought of someone taking away sugar, substituting for less fatty foods, etc. really got to him. The idea that he might have to walk on the track or around the block (all of this stuff has been done before, and he's already had foods substituted or taken away).. well, he basically made some loud comment (I think about me ruining his life, but I'm not sure), pushed his books off of the table, and flung open the door to the room we were in. He was loud. Then he just sat in the hallway.. later closing the door so he could go wander around the place. (Imagine a huge office building and he's now wandering around one section of it).
All I can say is it was comical. Truly. I was also glad he finally acted like that in front of her. He'd been upset before, but not like this. This was sort of a dramatic soap opera moment. But he's still on the same meds til at least May.
The last few days of school have been pretty decent, likely because the only place he can play on the computer right now is school. He just earned $20 from his dad for picking up the extreme landmine-filled back yard, which melting snow uncovered. (Savannah also earned $20 for doing it with him. A hell of a lot more money than I would have given them, but apparently my husband was being generous that day). He decided to use his $20 to buy fake money for a computer game that he can play in school. SIGH.
Yesterday, after state testing ended, I guess Jack was not into doing school work. He was upset about having to do Science work, and then later he basically refused to participate in a play that he is supposed to be rehearsing for, for Reading. He spent the last 30 minutes of school sitting in the hallway. When he came home, he told me about how his friend's little brother told him that he hated him, as the boy was getting off of the bus. Jack claims there is no reason for why the boy said it, and he was very upset. He was ready to call the boy's parents and everything. He said they had a right to know what a stupid jerk their kid was. Then he said some meaner things, and I had a chat with him about Karma and how whatever he puts out into the universe, it will come back to him. Things came back to him later that day.
As we were having this conversation, the boy across the street knocked on the door. I told Jack that he could play with the boy, but I had him take his medication real quick, and then tried to convince him not to worry about this other boy.. just let it go. He played across the street with what ended up being 2 boys (the only boys he gets along with on our street). Things were going fine for maybe an hour and a half before trouble began. They all migrated over here, and broke out the foam pool noodles. Bad idea.
I don't know exactly what happened, but I heard Jack yelling. When I looked outside, he was rolling around on the ground trying to avoid being hit by this other kid. He got up and started screaming at this boy, hitting him with his foam Minecraft sword. I told him to knock it off, and said it was time to come in.. in between him screaming "I hate you!! Just get out!" to this kid. Jack said that the boy was hitting him "on purpose", but in what context he was hitting him, I just have no idea. He may have thought it was all fun and games, and Jack clearly did not.
It's so ironic, because earlier in the day I had been chatting with someone about Jack playing with neighbors, and how I actually dread it. Literally, any nice day when other kids are out, I pray that Jack will have no interest in hanging out with them. You might think that's crazy, because clearly he should have friends and be able to play like any other child. However when you know that your kid is a wild card, and THIS is what can happen, you DREAD social interactions. They (kids on the spectrum) hopefully learn by doing.. they need practice being social, and I should be giving Jack every chance to hang out with others as I possibly can. But you also have to understand the other side of it. Frankly, when the impact of what happens drains everyone in the family, I think I'm allowed to feel the way I do.
Over the course of maybe half an hour, Jack was screaming in my ears, blowing in my face, refusing to do anything I asked, calling me names.. all of the things he does at school. Sh*t that really pi$$es me off, I might add. But I kept my cool, and thank god his dad wasn't home, or the evening would have been much worse. At that point, I basically "checked out" for the evening.
So of course you can imagine the thoughts I have this morning about the bus ride to school, his attitude about things, etc. I knew he was still in revolt of some sort by his pressing the issue on how he dressed- everything he shouldn't be wearing, he was insisting on wearing. UGH.
Seriously... I'm surprised I have any sanity left. And he's only 11.
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