Not enough coffee

With the cold weather, it really does seem like there's never enough coffee to either wake me up, or cheer me up. Yesterday was one of those days.

I guess I just got myself into a funk early on the in day (which was likely triggered by people in my household being jerks the night before). I couldn't get out of it. For hours I just wanted to antagonize, be snarky, take a nap, whatever. In the end, after making the kids dinner, I drank two beers and went to bed. (This is pretty unusual for me, so that gives you an idea of how I must have been over and done with the day).

Jack as an appointment next week at the university clinic. I hate driving all over creation, between going to get Jack out of school and then heading into downtown for these appointments. If they were monthly, I'd like it even less. I did manage to get a referral sent to another psychiatrist who happens to be a bit closer, but she may not work out either. It may be that she ends up being a counselor and not a psychiatric doctor. We have an appointment to see her over Spring Break, and we'll just kind of see how it goes.

Then after sending an email to the Special Ed. director last weekend, she finally got in touch with me.. but like the new usual, I don't feel like it went anywhere- aside from the fact that Jack is probably not going to be in gym class in middle school. While he could use the exercise, it's an exercise in futility trying to get him to play fairly, not call people cheaters, etc. He just can't handle it. The entire class is a trigger, and unless the gym teacher is a god, I don't see any change in that.

I did learn that it is the school policy not to touch a student when they're having an episode, unless they are a danger to themselves or to others. So as long as he doesn't try to harm someone, they can let him go around trashing the school til he tires himself out. Gee, cuz that sounds like a grand plan. They use "proximity control" and "verbal deescalation techniques".. phrases to bring him into compliance. This time they happened to notice that his response (which was basically nothing) was different. Normally he would calm down, talk about what happened, and then clean up the mess he made. This time he didn't say anything. If a lot of this was due to him not feeling well (for a myriad of reasons) then of course he wouldn't want to talk. (He did clean up, though). He didn't when he got home, either. For two days, he was relatively quiet.

We haven't seen the service coordinator since maybe November, before she went on maternity leave. I can't imagine how long she got time off for, but her baby was due Christmas eve. Normally she contacts me every so often just to ask how Jack is doing. We're definitely due for a visit. Hell, lately, every time she emails me, Jack is doing absolutely terrible. Great timing! LOL

With Jack now sporting Medicaid and a waiver, I've been searching for someone to come out maybe once a week and take Jack out into the community, etc. It's tough going, trying to get someone to return my emails. Guess people don't need money these days?

Oh yeah.. and then the issues with Savannah and her former BFF. I'm dreading this summer, because usually we get a pool membership. Jack gets to interact with his friends, or at least get some sensory input with the water. Savannah gets to hang out with her friends, if and when they show up. I just lay there and zone.. or read a book. The last book I recall reading was Bob Saget's autobio, which I have to say was FUNNY. Disturbing on many levels, but I haven't laughed that hard since.. well, actually.. my son said some pretty disturbing (but entirely hilarious, tear-enducing, entirely inappropriate) comments recently. So there was tension building between the two girls last year at the pool, which I totally think is puberty related. That and they are both too smart for their own good, and it's become a competition between them. I really like the family, so this is hard for me to get past. I'm still irritated with Savannah, because she's taking some things that happened WAY too seriously and personally, and WOW I want to say SNAP OUT OF IT!!! But I'm just a mom, so what the heck do I know about anything? Tweens.. UGH.

I guess I'm still a bit irritated. Nothing new to see here, folks. Move along.