Punch in the gut

In life, we get thrown for a loop in a lot of ways. Maybe we didn't pass a test we studied hard for.. or we didn't make the football team.. didn't get that great job we not only wanted, but needed.. somebody broke our heart. Then we have kids, and while life still punches us in the gut on occasion, we now share those punches with our kids when it happens to them. It's almost as devastating. Our kids are a part of us. What makes them happy makes us happy. What makes them sad makes us sad. It is part of our nature to want to shield them from disappointment.

On Wednesday afternoon, Jack informed me that he was going to stay after school the next day to try out for the drama club at school. I saw the flyer come home the week before, but pretty much dismissed it outright. Savannah tried out in the Fall and didn't get in- this was her second attempt, and I was kind of surprised she tried out, because she had previously decided not to do anything extracurricular aside from Safety Patrol. The flyer was put in the recycling bin and I never gave it another thought, til Wednesday. Jack told me that he didn't know where his was, so his friend who wasn't going to try out gave theirs to Jack. He came home that day all hyped up, practicing his lines. I was amused, but I was also very proud.

Thursday was try-outs. I told him that morning that I would be there after school like usual, since I always wait for Savannah to finish Safety Patrol, and that if he decided not to try out, that would be ok. I would be there. If he wasn't out by 2:40, then I would come back for him at 3:30 when try-outs were over. He went through with it. I was even more proud of him! When I picked him up, he was pretty hopeful that he made it, because there were only 2 other people who tried out for his part. Yesterday, just before school got out, all the kids that tried out were given rejection/acceptance letters to take (and read at) home. Jack was talking the whole way to the car about how good his chances were that he made it in. He got in the car, opened his letter, and just sat there quietly for a moment. I knew it wasn't good. Those are the moments that hurt as a parent. I was ok with his not being in Drama Club, but it wasn't about me. It's what he wanted, and about him stepping out of his comfort zone (big time!) and feeling good about himself.

I could see a hint of tears, I could see disappointment.. later he asked me why they didn't pick him. What can I say? The "we're really sorry, but.." letter says that so many try out, but only so many get in.. yada, yada, yada. One of the people who has been in charge of the Drama club in the past (and may still be, but I'm not 100% sure) is his Intervention Specialist. Another is his Speech therapist. So they know him. They know how brave he was to do something like this. They also know how he can be sometimes, and probably gave thought to many possible scenarios over the course of the season that would justify not letting him in. When the Intervention Specialist emailed me last night to say how proud she was of him and that she hoped he was ok with not making it in, I mean, what do I say to that? Really anything I could possibly say would make me look like one of those parents who can't believe their child wasn't accepted, or wasn't good enough, and how dare they? I think I just have to leave it at that, and hope Jack at least gives it another chance next year. If he doesn't, I'm good with that, too.