We sometimes get what we want

On Thursday morning, I sent a registered letter to the school district requesting permission to homeschool Jack for the remainder of the year. We know they got the letter (complete with copy of my high school and college diploma, as well as a loose curriculum) on Monday. Our estimated response time, given by two separate people, was 2 weeks. Our approval letter came on Wednesday. I was not anticipating such a quick response. I was nervous that I wouldn't be approved, because really, I didn't like my options otherwise. Having not fully prepared Jack for this (or really the school), I wanted to at least keep him through to the end of the week. I let the teacher know on Wednesday evening what I was planning, and then on the morning of, told her that it would be Jack's last day.

From the moment I sent in my request, I have been actively planning to homeschool. I have bought some shelves on sale, found some workbooks for Jack's grade level (at thrift store prices), bought basic school supplies and storage containers, and after getting the A-OK, finding a practically new student desk like the ones used in the classroom (along with a chair). There are still lesson plans to be made, but with much research done over the last several days, I've prepared a great deal. It's the emotional aspect that is harder to prepare for. With having made a decision, and having applied for homeschool, there was a weight lifted off of my shoulders. I felt better about things. Then wondering what the district's response would be, I began to stress out again. (What if my proposed curriculum wasn't detailed enough?) Then I heard back so quickly, that suddenly I felt the added pressure of actually telling Jack, and arranging to pick his things up from school, and having to consider whether or not to tell him about his last day so that he could say a proper goodbye to his friends.

I have kept Jack home a couple of times, on purpose. He wasn't sick, but had had a previously bad day and I wanted to see how he did at home. We basically followed along with his classroom schedule, added in a trip to McD's for lunch, and did some fun activities outdoors for recess. I tried to make the material interesting, and let him watch videos on the iPad to spark ideas for writing. He did seem to enjoy it, and although I'm sure he got tired of it after a while, there was little complaint. That was one day here and there, and I certainly felt I could handle that. I know this is completely different - for both of us. This is something I have to be fully committed to, and something that he will need to adjust to. Because he is no longer getting social interaction with peers on a daily basis, I have to also be committed to finding that for him via other avenues. Spring camp, maybe sports, possibly a social skills group, and then memberships to places around the city (like activity centers, etc). I know that taking him from his friends is going to be hard on him. I have to make sure to keep up the communication with the close friends he has, by having them over or letting them communicate via email. I know that the decision to homeschool Jack is the right one, but it means making some changes that are negative, or hurtful to him, so I have to make sure that he suffers from this decision as little as possible.

Speaking of hurt, it wasn't easy to let Jack have one more day with his friends without any goodbyes. He wasn't crazy about my idea to keep him home for the rest of the year. I don't blame him at all. He doesn't understand why I feel it's necessary. He's going to miss his friends, and that is totally understandable. Trying to explain that to him, and then expect him to have a nice "last day", well.. it was either allow him to be anxious and upset all day, or let him have fun being a kid. This means of course that those who may have wanted to say goodbye (including a few special staff members) were not given that opportunity. It may be something they have a hard time understanding. I probably look like a horrible mother. Looking at it from anyone's point of view, I can see how it seems that way. Have you ever done your best to be a good parent, but have had to make really unpopular choices in the process? This was a choice that stung. I cried. I had a staff member call me to ask about my plans to homeschool, only to find out that it was Jack's last day. I could tell she was concerned that I wasn't giving him a chance to say goodbye. She also wanted to say goodbye to him herself. She asked that I make sure to tell him that she called and that she really enjoyed getting to know him. Total punch in the gut. One of those things that makes you question everything you're doing, even though you still have to believe that it's all for the best.. and I do.

My frustration with the school has been pretty intense over the course of the last several months. So now we're on a new adventure together, Jack and me. Homeschooling... for the next 3 months anyway. I don't know how long it will take him to get over the disappointment of not seeing his friends every week day. I'm not sure how long it will take either of us to get the hang of it. I hope we do. I hope I can give Jack all that he needs to be successful going into 4th grade. There will be bumps and bruises for sure, but I have to believe that we're both strong enough, and we'll both somehow be better off in the long run.