Empathy

Yesterday the family sat down to watch episodes of a show called Weird or What?, hosted by William Shatner. In one particular episode about pets and animals, there was a story about a man who was attacked by a Great White, and saved by several dolphins. This led to a discussion about dolphins and self-awareness, and empathy.

According to an article written and published in "Psychology Today", "Self-awareness in humans is an important developmental milestone. It is the point at which an individual, usually at about age 2, develops the ability to identify him/herself objectively. Studies have shown that certain other mammals - chimpanzees, gorillas, bottle-nosed dolphins, and elephants - also have the capacity for self-awareness". In the clip, humans learn self-awareness around 18-24 months of age. This is about the time they can look into a mirror and realize they're seeing themselves. (They showed dolphins in front of a mirror, seeing themselves and being aware of that).

What struck me immediately about this was that my Jack has always disliked mirrors. He rarely ever looks in one - thus, couldn't be bothered to see if his hair looks disheveled, or if his clothes are mismatched, etc. He goes out of his way to avoid them, in some cases. I also think that generally speaking, he lacks empathy for others. He is very much the selfish young toddler who wants what he wants, and doesn't care about others and their own needs. You have to be on a list he has in his head that makes you worthy of his affection or concern. (Unfortunately, for some, it doesn't take much to get erased from that list).

I don't say that my kid lacks total empathy, though. He really can be very loving. He will defend his friends, very much wants to be near them (though sometimes I really have to wonder why. Some of these "friends" are not my cup of tea). Sometimes when he sees someone getting hurt, he reacts very strongly- crying out, asking about them. He may show concern for a crying baby, wanting to know why they're upset. BUT at the same time, he told me the other day that while he wouldn't hit his "BFF", he couldn't really say either way if he'd hit someone else. It would "depend". I want very much for him to realize that we all hurt, we all have feelings... "feelings" and "emotions" are both things that Jack wants nothing to do with. I'm working with him on that, but it's tough. When his behaviors are particularly disturbing, I sit him down and have him write out what he feels, or what others feel. He absolutely hates that.

On a side note, and totally unrelated... I think the thought of going out with Jack anywhere has me feeling anxious these days. That's a terrible thing to say. However, I feel unsure about any plans that the Husband and I might want to make, because we never know what mood Jack will be in. He often "ruins" the moment by complaining about something - usually he complains about having to walk around somewhere. He's also bored easily. With him being overly sensitive to anything, it's hard to know how anything we do or say will be received. Sigh.