We know that Jack has frustration/anger/aggression issues, and we know they are predominantly at school. This doesn't mean they don't happen at home, but the place where they occur most frequently is in the school setting. WHY? is the question of the day.. month.. year. Well, I think it has to do with the fact that expectations are higher in the school setting. He has to learn what is required to know with each grade. Not only does he have to process this information, but he also has to process rules- school rules, social rules, etc. He is getting a LOT of information. Not just getting a lot, but needing to process more than his brain can necessarily handle. It doesn't mean he isn't intelligent- which he is. It doesn't mean he's incapable of learning or processing- he is. There are just minds out there in this world who need longer to take it all in, so that they can process in their own way, and in their own time. Jack is simply not being given that courtesy. (I don't think it's on purpose, but merely the way things are. They see a high functioning 10 yr old who is clearly bright, and they have difficulty with processing for themselves, that he just needs the courtesy).
An example given to me of how my son thinks - or how this person views how my son thinks- is a collator, as used by the postal service.
From the Free Dictionary online:
col·late (k-lt, klt, klt)
tr.v. col·lat·ed, col·lat·ing, col·lates
1. To examine and compare carefully in order to note points of disagreement.
2. To assemble in proper numerical or logical sequence.
3. Printing
a. To examine (gathered sheets) in order to arrange them in proper sequence before binding.
b. To verify the order and completeness of (the pages of a volume).
4. Ecclesiastical To admit (a cleric) to a benefice.
That is my son. He is great with input. He takes in a great volume of information. He has a wonderful memory- he remembers things that most of us would not- imagine your partner/spouse/etc bringing up every little thing you've ever done wrong, in excruciating detail. The things that comes out of this kid's head truly boggles the mind. (He surprises his teachers, even). Great information, much of the time. He loves to collect data, and he loves to share data. He doesn't care that you may not be interested in it, because that is totally irrelevant to him. He is input and he is output.
Like a computer, he doesn't compute certain things- your needs, wants, feelings, hurts.. the fact that your heart is breaking over something he has done. He doesn't see things the way the average human does. We assume he does, or that he is capable of it, and when he's not doing what we expect him to, we get mad. We can't understand what's wrong with him. He's upsetting what we think is "normal".
Over time, Jack has taken data, examined it, compared it carefully, and assembled it in his mind in a way that makes total sense to him. Not only does it make total sense, but now there is a pattern of things he has taken to form a mathematical equation: A+B=C. Jack was sent home every time he got upset about being in trouble- home is a calmer environment, and the adults ultimately left him alone- which is what he wanted. This happened many times over the years. So of course he's learned that if he acts out badly enough, he will get out of the stressful situation. He has even admitted as much. Now that he's in a new school, the behaviors at school have worsened. He is expected to do much more in 4th grade, and the social and behavioral expectations are much higher as well. So he is lashing out in the worst ways we have ever seen. Except NOW, he is not being sent home. This probably confuses him. Now he has to examine, arrange, assemble this new information.
Yesterday's behavior at school was the result of Jack's data telling him that loud voices equal anger. He did not stop to actually hear the words being spoken to him. He did not ask for clarification. He didn't need it, in his mind. He already knew that chances are high- if not darn near 100%- that if a loud voice (or anything other than a polite tone) are directed at him, he is in trouble or someone is mad at him. He has collated this data over the years, and so the end result leads to him needing to respond in a way that ultimately gets him in trouble. He didn't know the teacher was trying to help, because he wouldn't have thought her use of loud tone was at all helpful.
I think one of the things I got from this conversation is that my son really needs someone who understands Autism, to help him with his anger. The clinic I'm waiting to hear back from will hopefully put this into better perspective for me- that this is really all part and parcel of HIS Autism. Maybe not someone else's Autism, because God knows all of our kids are special in their own way. I mean Jack's Autism. Abilify, the med we're taking but not seeing totally great things from, is actually used to treat "Irritability in Autism". So maybe there is a chance (am I getting my hopes up here?) that Jack doesn't have bipolar. Maybe this is just an extremely unfortunate symptom of his Autism. As much as it sucks, that would be at least something.
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