He said what?!

My dear.. my darling.. my little angel. Um, not so much. Not today. Not in front of a gym full of kids trying to pay attention to their guest- an author of children's books. This was the day when my son decided to pitch a fit about being asked to put his water away.

We were last at the psychiatrist's office about a month ago. I was fine with leaving Jack on 40mg of Elavil, but since his blood levels were "low", she wanted to try him at the next dose. Not a small jump up, mind you. No, we went from 40 to 75. We had blood work done a week later, but I'm not sure what the results were. Really, I was afraid to call her and say "gee, this really isn't doing jack sh*t", and for her to bump it up much higher in return. (So where would this leave us after summer break? He'd need to be on a higher dose by then!)

His Intervention Specialist has made it clear that while Jack has had no further incidents including physical aggression (which means actual hitting, not yelling in faces or throwing things), his negative thinking and talking has increased. He's checked out of reality, in terms of not wanting anything to do with his peers.. though he sees the "freedom" with running around the neighborhood to see friends, so that's at least fine. Meanwhile, he still talks to his Pokemon Character back pack. He still gets upset if you insinuate that it isn't real.

So the last thing I want to do is bump up medication that is NOT doing anything. (And really, at this point, IS there any medicine that can do anything?)

Today, Jack was asked not to take food or drink into the gym, for the author's visit. He brought his water bottle. It was a mistake to let him keep it, in the hopes that he would just keep it by his side, however he should have chosen not to play with it. Once he was caught squirting water, and was asked to remove it, then his inner demon came out. He ran out of the gym, later ran back. When asked to sit down, he yelled how he hated the IS, and then called her a loser. When asked to leave, he became physically aggressive. At this point, he then repeated a question and a statement. The statement being "I want to die".

This shouldn't ever come out of a 10 yr old's mouth. Never. When I asked him about it later, he claims not to remember that part. He also doesn't recall saying the other things. While I realize that there are times we say things in the heat of the moment- things that maybe we can't remember saying (or don't want to remember saying)- to me personally, those are words too serious to forget.