We made it out alive

I wasn't sure how things would end up by summer vacation.. they weren't good, but at least we got through it. Jack ended the year with 1's on all "characteristics of a successful learner". (A 3 is the best). I think he may have gotten a 2 for organization, but that's probably a stretch. The teacher didn't actually see much of him this last "quarter", because Jack spent most of his time in the Intervention room.

We're due to go back to the University clinic on the 20th, and Jack's dad and I are pretty certain this Elavil is worthless. We have zero interest in him continuing on it, given the fact that his behavior is ALWAYS (95%+ of the time) worse at school. He doesn't care to learn, doesn't care to make friends, doesn't care to be nice. He would rather live in a dream world, where his stuffed friend Pika is actually alive and his bestest buddy. The fact that we're seeing a specialist (that we're thankfully not paying out of pocket for) and she'd rather push any med that suits her, instead of study why he is acting this way.. I don't need to say that it frustrates the hell out of me. I can't just wean him off this ridiculously high dose, either.

Yesterday, I tried to have a conversation with Jack about attitude, about trying to just get through the next year - finding a way that makes sense to him so that he can cope.. it just led to him screaming that I was being mean, that he hated me, that I was "a moron head", "a dolt", and "a jerk". Amazingly, I didn't lose my cool. He just can't have a conversation about these things without getting upset. He yells "stop" over and over and over, until you shut up. He does not want to acknowledge that he creates these situations for himself, and that people are mean as a reaction to his own behavior. He did say "I'm awesome!" and "I'm a good kid!". Those things are true. He is awesome and a good kid.. certainly has good intentions, generally speaking. This doesn't erase the hurt he causes- not just to others,but ultimately to himself. He clearly isn't mature enough to admit to any of this, or maybe to even believe it. I want so much for him to think before he acts. He just can't. Quite literally if you hold something he loves in front of him, with the threat of taking it away if he says or does something one more time, he CAN NOT stop himself from doing it. Even if you know how badly he wants to keep it. It's his Autism, or ADHD, or who knows what the hell disorder. But it doesn't stop me from saying (in my head, at the very least) WHY????