Just sayin'.. NO

It's funny.. the way we were raised has such an impact on how we are as parents. That could either mean we are totally the opposite of our parents, or too close for comfort. We have all these grand ideas of how to raise our own children. The problem is that none of us knows what will happen after the moment of conception.

I don't like to get into parenting debates with people. I think they're pretty pointless, unless the person you're debating is the other parent. Think back to all of those nights before you had kids- dreaming of which of the two you of they'd look like. You may have been in perfect agreement about how much (or little) television time they'd get. You agreed on making all of their baby food from scratch. You also may have agreed that they'd only be allowed to "friend" kids who were academically "gifted". Maybe you'd swear to yourselves you'd never allow your kids to have a cell phone in elementary school, and you'd just die before your child would play video games and rot their brains. Then your kids are born. Then you and your partner/spouse each get to see how things turn out in the real world.

You may subscribe to the idea that you will never say "no" to your children. When your kids are too young to understand the word, sure. This makes a lot of sense. I get the idea of boosting their self confidence, and that over use of the word makes you feel like a bad parent- and, in your mind, makes them feel like you don't love them. (Honestly, is saying no to your kids going to kill them? This current generation is such a pain the ass *because* they're not being told no. They're the most self-entitled generation yet! Look in your newspaper and tell me if I'm wrong).

The grand ideas you have for your children may or may not be realized when they actually come into their own- become more independent on a daily basis. You will not be around for every moment where that child will self-direct to choose the wrong actions. Your child may end up with Autism, ODD, ADHD, a mood disorder of some sort.. or God knows what else. Seriously, do you think that you can control any of that? Those are the kids that need direction. They need consistency and discipline, and they need someone directing them from the wrong path. Just because Jack has a problem with the word "no", that doesn't mean I say it any less. Just because he has Autism, that does not mean that he gets a free pass to do whatever he feels like. When it comes to discipline, if we know he has done something he knows is wrong (hitting, etc), he gets the same treatment his sister would, had she made the same mistakes. He gets privileges taken away, too. Is he going to be mad at me? Sure! Our job as parents - aside from ensuring they survive until the age of 18 - is to help them become a responsible, respectable, self-reliant members of society. At least that's my belief. I don't think coddling them to that point is the right way to go. Loving them is not the same thing as coddling them. Sometimes love gets tough, and we have to make difficult choices for our children, so that they can learn from their mistakes. That isn't something anyone should be afraid to do.

(This was written October 9th, 2013. It's been sitting as a draft until today. I re-read it, and said "What the hell? I'll publish it". Now it looks like I wrote it today with something in particular in mind. I didn't. But I think it's still relevant. My kid isn't so upset about the word "no" anymore, but I'd still give this advice to anyone who asked").