One of the times of year that I absolutely dread. I mean, as an Autism parent, I actually kinda dread a new school year. Like, A LOT. I'm pretty sure you know this if you've read through this blog. (If not, I don't blame you. It probably triggers anxiety and hair pulling and the need to drink heavily).
I know some moms expect the worst at an IEP meeting, and end up leaving mid-way through, in tears. I can't say that I've ever done that, though maybe I wanted to. I have been relatively lucky, in that for the most part, the rest of the "team" has always been on the same page. That's not to say that I always agreed with everything, though. It also doesn't mean that I didn't need to come in with a line of attack, either.
When I first started doing IEP's, Jack was in preschool. Actually, he wasn't *yet* in preschool. He was in the middle of summer school at the local ECE MRDD program, (which I think they've since shortened to DD- developmental delays/disabilities), and a whole slew of people came to my house and sat down at my kitchen table, and just took over. It was overwhelming as hell. But I didn't really need to do much. Honestly, I was such a noob that I didn't know what I needed to do. Yet. Now, I go into every meeting with my draft already read & marked up with highlighter and written notes. I have my binder full of papers, with a photo of my son in the front cover. I go in with notes from the doctor, counselor, the county service coordinator.. whatever I have, I take. Am I anal about it? I don't know. Honestly, maybe. I feel like this is something you can't afford to F around with. This is your kid's life, and you're their best advocate. Why would you *not* want all of your ducks in a row when you walk in?
When my son transitioned to elementary school, he did not have what is now called (here in Ohio, anyway) an "intervention specialist". Or well, there was some lady who was my contact, but she didn't apparently know how to do any of that yet. So the person who took over the IEP was the school speech therapist. Thank God, he was (while sort of out of his league with preparing an IEP) a great therapist. He probably didn't have too many kids like Jack to work with. Yeah, other kids with Autism were students- I can only imagine that's the case. However, Jack was not like most of the other kids with Autism. This was only too clear by the end of our first year there. (Every "deer in headlights" look from the school principal made this very apparent). We got through it, though. The next year, we had a new girl come in. Though quite young (as with the other lady), she was more comfortable with her role. However, she made it very clear during a meeting that Jack should be seeing a counselor. Okay. Jack WAS seeing a counselor, but she left on maternity leave, and Jack wasn't even communicating with her when he'd go visit with her. Huge waste of money. THEN. But seriously, they were all screwy, and needed to have some counseling of their own. (When your son has a "fetish"- as I called it- of looking inside of people's mouths, and it bothers others- but you, as school staff, use that as a reward for talking to you, then you might be even more disturbed than the behavior you claim you're trying to stop).
Things got so bad behavior-wise, that the school he transitioned to for 4th & 5th grade was super insanely helpful. They were desperate to have things work, and so was I. When you are at a point when all sh*t has literally hit the fan, and there's nowhere to go but UP, I think everyone just wants to do whatever works. This included not having gym class for two years. (Considering the meds Jack was on, this might not have been the best of ideas. But Gym was a trigger for Jack in the younger grades, so we thought it best to skip that class). Transitioning to middle school was sort of the same. The principals for 4th & 5th, and then middle school were AWESOME. (Only, to my disappointment, the current principal -who has been extremely understanding- has made the decision to give Jack over to the V.P. for discipline, and for IEP meetings. Neither of us- me or Jack- like this guy. He's a sports dude. Likely a high school jock. No offense to those who played football in high school, but how many of you are "down" with kids who are socially and physically inept in gym class? Yeah. I'm just sayin'. (I did mention that sometimes this blog gets judgy).
Cue the last two years, 6th & 7th, where Jack had the same Intervention Specialist. She was not the warm, feely person that I would have wanted for Jack. But he wasn't physically aggressive towards her, which is how he was with the one in 4th & 5th grade. (I think there was something about her that he didn't like, and he sensed that she was a push-over. I felt horribly bad for her). She would put a lot of things in the IEP that neither the principal nor myself agreed with. Nothing major, but we worked through it. All in all, by the end of 7th grade, we were in a really good place. Jack was doing pretty great, all considered. She apparently decided she was done with that position (after dealing with Jack for two years? It was too much, perhaps? LOL!), and now a very young woman is the I.S. She's even less "warm & fuzzy"- in fact, she actually told Jack at Orientation Night to stop petting the wall. In front of me and his dad. We thought it was weird that he was doing it, but weren't bothered enough to say anything. She told him twice to stop. (Uh, okay). That said, perhaps because he's in the throws of puberty, whatever she's doing is working. She's keeping his confidence, which seems to help immensely, and giving him more of what he wants- some independence. Sure, he doesn't get soda or snacks for having a good day, like he did the last two years. But it's apparently all good. I never get phone calls, unless it's something positive. I don't even get emails. It's crazy! (In a good way).
Why I originally wanted to write this blog post: to say that you have the right to read the rough draft of the IEP BEFORE you go into the meeting. Sorry, but if they refuse you a copy, that's a red flag to me. You should get notice of the meeting well in advance- not days before, and not without asking if that works for you. You should at least have several days to look at the draft, so that you can take notes, highlight what you like or dislike. You have the right to be as prepared for this meeting as you need to be. It amazes me that there are people who repeatedly get told "Hey, we're doing a meeting this Friday. Hope you can make it!". Um, I'd be like: "WTF? Yeah, that doesn't' work for me". That's just not acceptable. But this is happening in huge school districts- in LAUSD, in fact! This is why I refuse to move my kids out of where they are, as bad as it's gotten. Because you have zero idea how well your service will be elsewhere. It's a sad fact. And it's also a sad fact that as well as my family has it here in our district, other kids dealing with the same team members are having an absolute sh*tty time of it.
Know what you can live with, fix what you can't. This is your child's life, and they can't do it all on their own.
I know some moms expect the worst at an IEP meeting, and end up leaving mid-way through, in tears. I can't say that I've ever done that, though maybe I wanted to. I have been relatively lucky, in that for the most part, the rest of the "team" has always been on the same page. That's not to say that I always agreed with everything, though. It also doesn't mean that I didn't need to come in with a line of attack, either.
When I first started doing IEP's, Jack was in preschool. Actually, he wasn't *yet* in preschool. He was in the middle of summer school at the local ECE MRDD program, (which I think they've since shortened to DD- developmental delays/disabilities), and a whole slew of people came to my house and sat down at my kitchen table, and just took over. It was overwhelming as hell. But I didn't really need to do much. Honestly, I was such a noob that I didn't know what I needed to do. Yet. Now, I go into every meeting with my draft already read & marked up with highlighter and written notes. I have my binder full of papers, with a photo of my son in the front cover. I go in with notes from the doctor, counselor, the county service coordinator.. whatever I have, I take. Am I anal about it? I don't know. Honestly, maybe. I feel like this is something you can't afford to F around with. This is your kid's life, and you're their best advocate. Why would you *not* want all of your ducks in a row when you walk in?
When my son transitioned to elementary school, he did not have what is now called (here in Ohio, anyway) an "intervention specialist". Or well, there was some lady who was my contact, but she didn't apparently know how to do any of that yet. So the person who took over the IEP was the school speech therapist. Thank God, he was (while sort of out of his league with preparing an IEP) a great therapist. He probably didn't have too many kids like Jack to work with. Yeah, other kids with Autism were students- I can only imagine that's the case. However, Jack was not like most of the other kids with Autism. This was only too clear by the end of our first year there. (Every "deer in headlights" look from the school principal made this very apparent). We got through it, though. The next year, we had a new girl come in. Though quite young (as with the other lady), she was more comfortable with her role. However, she made it very clear during a meeting that Jack should be seeing a counselor. Okay. Jack WAS seeing a counselor, but she left on maternity leave, and Jack wasn't even communicating with her when he'd go visit with her. Huge waste of money. THEN. But seriously, they were all screwy, and needed to have some counseling of their own. (When your son has a "fetish"- as I called it- of looking inside of people's mouths, and it bothers others- but you, as school staff, use that as a reward for talking to you, then you might be even more disturbed than the behavior you claim you're trying to stop).
Things got so bad behavior-wise, that the school he transitioned to for 4th & 5th grade was super insanely helpful. They were desperate to have things work, and so was I. When you are at a point when all sh*t has literally hit the fan, and there's nowhere to go but UP, I think everyone just wants to do whatever works. This included not having gym class for two years. (Considering the meds Jack was on, this might not have been the best of ideas. But Gym was a trigger for Jack in the younger grades, so we thought it best to skip that class). Transitioning to middle school was sort of the same. The principals for 4th & 5th, and then middle school were AWESOME. (Only, to my disappointment, the current principal -who has been extremely understanding- has made the decision to give Jack over to the V.P. for discipline, and for IEP meetings. Neither of us- me or Jack- like this guy. He's a sports dude. Likely a high school jock. No offense to those who played football in high school, but how many of you are "down" with kids who are socially and physically inept in gym class? Yeah. I'm just sayin'. (I did mention that sometimes this blog gets judgy).
Cue the last two years, 6th & 7th, where Jack had the same Intervention Specialist. She was not the warm, feely person that I would have wanted for Jack. But he wasn't physically aggressive towards her, which is how he was with the one in 4th & 5th grade. (I think there was something about her that he didn't like, and he sensed that she was a push-over. I felt horribly bad for her). She would put a lot of things in the IEP that neither the principal nor myself agreed with. Nothing major, but we worked through it. All in all, by the end of 7th grade, we were in a really good place. Jack was doing pretty great, all considered. She apparently decided she was done with that position (after dealing with Jack for two years? It was too much, perhaps? LOL!), and now a very young woman is the I.S. She's even less "warm & fuzzy"- in fact, she actually told Jack at Orientation Night to stop petting the wall. In front of me and his dad. We thought it was weird that he was doing it, but weren't bothered enough to say anything. She told him twice to stop. (Uh, okay). That said, perhaps because he's in the throws of puberty, whatever she's doing is working. She's keeping his confidence, which seems to help immensely, and giving him more of what he wants- some independence. Sure, he doesn't get soda or snacks for having a good day, like he did the last two years. But it's apparently all good. I never get phone calls, unless it's something positive. I don't even get emails. It's crazy! (In a good way).
Why I originally wanted to write this blog post: to say that you have the right to read the rough draft of the IEP BEFORE you go into the meeting. Sorry, but if they refuse you a copy, that's a red flag to me. You should get notice of the meeting well in advance- not days before, and not without asking if that works for you. You should at least have several days to look at the draft, so that you can take notes, highlight what you like or dislike. You have the right to be as prepared for this meeting as you need to be. It amazes me that there are people who repeatedly get told "Hey, we're doing a meeting this Friday. Hope you can make it!". Um, I'd be like: "WTF? Yeah, that doesn't' work for me". That's just not acceptable. But this is happening in huge school districts- in LAUSD, in fact! This is why I refuse to move my kids out of where they are, as bad as it's gotten. Because you have zero idea how well your service will be elsewhere. It's a sad fact. And it's also a sad fact that as well as my family has it here in our district, other kids dealing with the same team members are having an absolute sh*tty time of it.
Know what you can live with, fix what you can't. This is your child's life, and they can't do it all on their own.
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